| Since the misty beginnings of AA, officially
dating back to June 10, 1935, the nature of the 12 Steps has been an
enigma to beginners, oldtimers, professionals, and even otherwise
disinterested observers.
In what is a very brief overview, this explanation will serve as only
an introduction. The Steps represent a process whereby
individuals, and sometimes couples, embrace necessary changes.
Step One: The First Step is often
described as "the only step that you must work
completely." Stated simply, the first steps identifies an
area of our lives that we may believe that we can control when, in
reality, we cannot. As a result of this repeating pattern, or
patterns, of behavior, our lives have become chaotic and our reach has
more than exceeded our grasp.
Summary: The First Step identifies places where we waste
time and energy trying to control what cannot be controlled.
Example: You insert your key into the lock at your apartment, in the
ignition of your automobile, etc. But nothing happens. We
realize that our key doesn't work.
Step Two: The Second Step simply tells us that we cannot solve
the problem by ourselves. We need some kind of capacity beyond
that which is ordinarily at hand.
Summary: The Second Step tells us that we need help of some
kind.
Example (continued): we realize that we need to contact the
maintenance man of our apartment, a locksmith, or an automobile mechanic
to get necessary help.
Step Three: The Third Step connects the first two
together. We stop trying to "fix" the problem and place
it in the hands of the person, or group, who can help us.
Summary: The Third Step tells us to connect the dots between the
first two.
Example: We actually call or contact the locksmith or mechanic
and arrange for THEM to solve the problem.
The Fourth Step: Mere superficial awareness of the problem is
not enough. Patterns of behavior are often deeply ingrained and
frequently unconscious. To really change, we need a
"map" of the "territory" that is our life.
Bill W described this "map" as being an "inventory"
similar to the periodic inventory that a business must take at least
annually. Without such an inventory, a business will typically
fail. We list people, places, and things. We can do
"traditional" inventories from the books, purchase "Step
Working Guides," or use an internet resource. The most
important key is to do it. And, also, it must be FINISHED by a
SPECIFIC date. Why? Because many people become
"stuck" on this step trying to do a "perfect"
inventory.... (And, at the same time, failing to see that the
perfectionism may be part of the problem....)
Summary: The Fourth Step tells us that we need a
"map" or "inventory" of the patterns of our life.
Example: We review all of our keys, spares, etc. just in
case the locksmith must replace the lock. |
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Step Five: Because we often have
"blind spots" and "forgetfulness" we discuss this
inventory (or map) with someone we TRUST. Often, the key to the
puzzle is the very piece that we cannot see. First we need the
map, though, to be truly aware of how the missing piece fits. Then
we get feedback.
Summary: Step Five tells us to get necessary feedback from a
trusted source to find the necessary missing pieces to our personal
puzzle.
Example: We think we've got all the feedback that we need about
replacing the lock, making spare keys, etc. But we contact our
significant other(s) (or friends or other trusted sources) and get
feedback. Perhaps our wife or husband reminds us to make a key for
our mother-in-law! ;-)
Step Six: Tells us to pause and integrate the first five
steps. When we started, we had one perspective of the
problem. But, now, maybe a totally different perspective has
emerged. We need this awareness. Steps Six and Seven
sometimes are called the "forgotten steps" because many people
just blast through them without taking the time to pause.
Summary: Step Six tells us to take time to pause and
recognize how our perspective of the problem has changed.
Example: We now know that we need a new lock, we have a
locksmith or mechanic making the repair, we're getting spare keys for
our significant others, and we now know that it wasn't a problem with
our key, but with out lock, instead....
Step Seven: Takes the awareness gained from the first Six
Steps and moves into a readiness for action.
Example: The lock has been replaced, but now we have to take
care of making spare keys, distributing them to significant others, etc.
Step Eight: The Eighth Step is a new list generated from the
first seven steps, especially the Fourth and Fifth. In the
Eighth Step, we make a list of relationships that are "broken"
in some minor or major way. Why? Because our
"stuck patterns" are often somehow related to the web of
relationships that surround us....
Many people list even their pets. Have you mistreated yours
somehow?
We mend these relationships to the best of our ability.
Generally, most practictioners of the steps divide this list into 3 or 4
parts: immediate amends, "soon" (a week or month),
"eventually" (whenever we should "accidentally" meet
with that person or people) and never (usually reserved either for the
dead for those who have viciously attacked us, such as a rapist).
One note about the "never" category: many people engage in
exercises designed to release the (emotional) "energy."
Such as writing a letter to a dead parent or possibly prayer for the one
who attacked us.
Step Nine: The Ninth Step is analogous in many ways to the
first. The Ninth Step tells us where we have become stuck in a
relationship; we mend those relationships to the best of our ability to
bring about positive changes in our life.
The reaction of the other party can be surprising. Regardless
of what reaction occurs, we release the "stuck energy"
Example: We've had all the repairs made and handed out all the
keys. Now we can move on to other things....
If you get this far, then a good sponsor can guide you through the
remaining three steps... ...hint, the Tenth Step helps "hold the
vision" or maintain the changes resulting from the first nine.... |
